Birthday Presents

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Haaaaaappy Birthday dear meeeeee, Happy Birthday to me! My hubby gave me one last birthday kiss before he headed off to work (we owe we owe, so off to work he goes....) and my oldest son roused me from my comfy nest of blankets by singing me happy birthday in bed and presenting me a present he'd bought with his own money. A king-size hersheys bar with almonds that I promptly opened and shared with all three of my boys (we just had a small piece each, I'm saving the rest for another time when the thought of rich chocolately things don't make me nauseous). My middle (currently) son felt inspired and wrapped up his little notebook from the fall carnival in an instruction manual he found on my desk and gave me that for a present. (How Precious!) My little boo baby in my belly gave me a gift too. For the first time in this pregnancy I threw up this morning, all day now I've been struggling with feeling a little yucky. I know I need to be eating more but I feel like in order to keep the MS in check I'd have to eat every hour and I DO NOT WANT TO GET FAT! Don't get me wrong I'm not starving myself but it's hard to find something that sounds good sometimes. I was reading earlier some ideas for beating this stuff and now all I can think about is some dill pickles (wouldn't you know I gave my last jar of homemade ones to my sister for Christmas?::smiles::) My sweety is supposed to take me out for supper tonight so maybe we can stop at the store and pick up some pickles on the way home....I also think I felt my little boo baby wiggling around so faintly. That's my real present! Anyway I'm hoping the weather holds off a little longer so we can indeed get to go out tonight. We are expecting a huge winter storm to hit at Midnight tonight and last til Christmas, I don't like bad weather but I'm so excited that we'll have a white Christmas!

God's perfect....everything.

2000 and some odd years ago, Mary found out she was pregnant but with extenuating circumstances that would have made a veteran Mommy pale....but with extraordinary grace she humbly and bravely said "let it be to me as you have said". I wonder if at that moment, if she had said instead NUH UH! or if she had protested asking that it not be her this happen to if God would have told Gabriel, "Plan B, do the flashy thingy and tell her she's just dreaming" let's go to Marlene next door. But with God...there are no Plan B's, he doesn't need them, he knew the mettle of the woman he had chosen before she was even a glimmer on the pages of time, and he knew the man also, whom he had chosen to be her protector, provider, and the earthly father of our savior. Well anyway I've just been pondering these things lately and I just can't get over how amazing our God is, how perfectly he mapped everything out. I guess that is what gives me courage to face each day. As a Mom of 3 boys I'm constantly whipping around, gasping in horror, or screaming at my kids because they almost killed themselves or one of their brothers. Life is never dull, boring or uneventful, but it is exhausting physically and emotionally. If I didn't have God's grace to get me through, I suppose I'd just lay there in bed trembling all day, immobile with fear over what I might come up against that day. Thank You God for giving me strength, courage, and peace to be a Mother of sons. BUT can you blame me that when I found out a week ago that I was pregnant I prayed urgently (as I have for a long time now) that it would be a girl!? Lord I don't know what this child in my womb will be but I pray that you will give me continued strength, courage, and peace reguardless. I pray for a healthy, complete, normal, beautiful, and spunky child to fit right into our family. I pray that you would protect all my children born and unborn from abnormalities, health problems, mental/emotional/physical/spiritual problems and danger in all it's forms let them be wise enough to learn from our mistakes and lessons rather than having to go through the pain of their own. Help Dustin and I to be the loving, wise, Godly, and patient parents You have for us to be. I pray for a continued pregnancy and delivery that is healthy, normal and precious. Thank You Jesus, I love You!

And baby makes....6

Well here I am again paddling down the river of pregnancy. I can't believe I'm here! I'm absolutely exploding to tell everyone and yet I haven't confirmed it at the Dr.s office yet so I can't yet. According to my calculations I'm about 7 weeks from LMP date so not sure how they do all that but anyway...for posterity sake I wanted to write down what I was feeling and thinking right now so that I can look back on this. I'm not regular so my missed MP wasn't a major tip off, but I've been having those stretchy twinges in my abdomen when I stand up too quickly. Soooo I finally strong-armed (haha) my hubby to take me to the dollar store so I could get a test. I took it Sunday afternoon amidst doing dishes and making scotcheroos and it was positive. I decided to wait to tell my sweety until at Bible Study later that night which was actually really hard. Once as I was heading back down stairs he asked me if I'd taken the test yet and I practically yelled "WHAT!?", so he repeated himself with an impatient look on his face and I simply said "You told me to wait til morning." and I hurried downstairs to get away from his prying face (phew that was a close one!) AND apparently I'm quite convincing because when our Bible study leader asked for praises and I said that "in late July, if all goes as planned, Bubba will be a big brother." Dustin looked like I'd side-swiped him with a semi. I thought at first he was mad at me but later he said "No, I was just shocked, I hadn't been expecting that." So all's well that ends well right? Well anyhoosers, right now I myself am a little bit in a state of shock. I know that I have responsibilities, and obligations outside of being a pregnant lady but everything some how just fell off the radar I guess. I feel like I have nothing to do but sit and twiddle my thumbs for the next 8 months (give or take a week). Christmas is fast approaching which means gift making, letter writing, and goody baking at the very least. PLUS I want to keep on task with doing advent with the boys and we're already a little bit behind since we all forgot to do advent last night ::sigh:: Dear Lord, I come to you this morning with a joyful heart but a little bit of an addled mind. Please help me Lord get my focus back on you and this beautiful holiday that celebrates your birth. I am so grateful Lord for this incredible miracle you've blessed us with, I'm just feeling a little spacey I guess....The reality of it all is that after this test today, and keeping up on everyday pre-natal vitamins there's really not a whole lot I can do with my pregnancy.
Later.................................Well I'm back from the Dr.s office where they confirmed through a blood test that we are indeed expecting again! My (current) EDD is somewhere between July 24th and 29th! I'm so excited and feeling much more confident now. We're going to tell our parents and the boys tonight! I'm also feeling much more real. Life has a way of just marching on whether you know what to do or not so I guess I don't really need to worry about what to do next. I have to go to the HHS office on Thursday to notify them, and in the next couple of weeks I'll schedule my first OB visit. Just like last time I want badly to switch doctors, but I guess we'll just have to see how it goes. My Dr and hospital are familiar and therefore comfortable but I'd like to try something different I guess. My dynamics with my Dr aren't the best, how I wish I could find an alternative medicine Dr. Well I'd probably better get off of here and do something with my boys before it's time to make supper.

Making a new start

Lord I thank you so much for meeting me here in this way tonight. This weekend has been snowy and dreary and I'm feeling a little bit frustrated tonight. So much of my relationship with you is up and down and back and forth. I am never satisfied and therefore it is so hard for me to understand how you could ever be satisfied with me. But somehow...I am and beyond all comprehension...I thank you profoundly that you love me...the complete me. When you look at me you don't see me sitting at this computer tonight you see the little girl I was, the young mother I am, and the old woman I will become...all at a glimpse. You see every bad decision I've made and will make, every time I've made the right choice before, now, and in the future but most importantly you see my heart. I often don't understand my own motives but you always do and you love me. Please help me Lord to accept that gift of love without any strings attached. It's so big, You are so big for me to wrap my brain around so I'm not going to try I'm going to sit right here at this keyboard and just believe that You love the whole me, that You want to be the Hero of my story, in fact you already are, nothing I can do will change any of that. I believe you are never going to leave me. You paid my ransom with Your own blood and someday You will come back to carry me back to Your Kingdom. I confess Lord that I worry sometimes that I have missed something and somehow I'll stand before your throne someday and despite what I believe in my heart of hearts that I will be found wanting. That terrifies me Lord, because I want to be with you and I believe you died for me and that I am forgiven but my old self is still ever present getting in my way...no more. Tonight I hand over my anxiety, trusting that you don't want me to "miss" anything and you will not lead me astray. Reassure me and comfort me.Please help me to keep my eyes on you Father. I love you so much. I pray that you will feel the worship behind these simple words. Amen

Just Enough

I'm sitting up tonight, waiting for my sweety to come in from drilling wheat. We're looking for a nasty change in the weather tomorrow night and he works during the day so tonight is the night he has to get the wheat in the ground. While I'm waiting I'm reading Little House on The Prairie and I'm imagining something more simple than the reality of my life. As I look around my home there' s so much I have on my mind to do but it's mostly pipe dreams at the moment, seeing as how we are almost all of us recovering from a nasty bout of stomach flu. My house does look better than it started out today but it's still so cluttered and untidy that it in itself make me almost nauseated. I wish I could pare us down to the bare necessities. Less things to clean, keep track of, put away. I find myself looking around to see what I have excess of. So Much. A sink full of dirty dishes that I honestly don't need so many of. Cupboard doors that won't stay shut, a huge pile of dirty laundry because I haven't been able to get to the laundromat since we got sick. Well...paring down on bowls and cups, would be a good place to start. I also have entirely too many pots and pans or maybe it's just lids I have too many of. My wardrobe could be pared down drastically. I have so many coffee cups but like my silverware and plates they all have sentimental value so I can't give them away but maybe there's a better way to store or display them...hmm I guess I could be like my friend with 8 kids. that would get me over any emotional attachment to glass items haha, love ya girl. ::sigh:: I don't know why I always get ambitious when I'm getting over being sick. Oh Lord I am turly so grateful for this bounty, in the face of all those that go without. I feel like a glutton, like when you eat too much sugar or just plain too much. I'm sorry that I have made my life about having all this...stuff. You my Lord are enough. You have provided me with a strong, smart, capable, loving man to be my mate and you have blessed us with 3 beautiful sons with hearty laughs and lots of imagination, please don't let me lose sight of all that and help me to be better organized so that I can focus on the things that are really important, spending time with you in worship, prayer and study. Taking care of my home immediately so that I don't procrastinate which only allows messes to grow. Being timely and patient with the boys so that we can get their schooling done efficiently, effectively and creatively. Thinking of little ways to show my Husband I love, appreciate and respect him. This is what life is about, help me to remember that on a moment by moment basis.

God is good all the time, all the time God is good!

This morning I kissed my sweety goodbye as he headed off to work and then just to look at him a little longer I followed him onto the front step. It's brisk this morning and it looks like it must have rained last night. Already I'm beginning to smell that damp earthy smell that comes from the leaves as they form their carpet on the ground. Over at the coop the roosters are crowing and just for spice I can hear the (almost more loudly) ducks quack quacking and my geese honk honking. It is a fresh reminder of life returning to normal for the birds. We had a semi-disaster on Monday wherein our two dogs launched a frontal attack on the small coop and killed 11 of our 32 layers. I know they are just birds but it was still so sad. As I cleaned up after containing our dogs, I didn't cry but I felt deep grief and I felt like I had betrayed them. The injured dead and almost dead were all huddled up shaking in corners on top of each other as if stacking themselves would bring warmth and comfort from the pain and fear. I apologized to each one as I checked them out some I was able to sort off into another room. They would heal and be fine but others I carefully carried out to the wagon for disposal feeling all the time like I had let them down somehow. To add injury to insult later that day it appears that a weasel had gotten into our big coop with all of our pullets and teenagers (smiles). It only killed three which is surpising for a weasel who is notorious for killing sprees but I am so thankful. I hate dealing with death, especially brutal death like all of this has been. I grew up on a farm though so I know it's part of it but it doesn't make it all that much easier. I suppose that's why I usually try to distance myself from animals. I have the capacity for becoming very deeply attached to them and I've learned as a child that's a risky business. So I keep my distance. Now because of what our dogs have done, we are moving them to different homes and so we have to say goodbye to them. I've promised the boys however that we can get some cats instead. A friend has 5 kittens to give away and that would be wonderful but it might wait til spring since winter is fast approaching here and another farm lesson I've learned is that without a momma and some adoring older siblings. Kittens don't last long. I'd have a cat in the house but I'm allergic and I also have a hang up about animals in the house. They just make me feel dirty I guess. Not to mention....litterboxes aren't usually a good idea when you're pregnant and while I'm no yet....I'm hopeful in the near future.....(smiles)
Our washing machine is out of commission right now and so I'm going on my third week of having the honor of using the local laundromat which is I have to say taken very good care of. It's just a little pricey at a dollar a load for both washer and dryer. My dryer does still work but I've been giving it and myself a break by doing everything in one place which allows me to relax when I get home after having lugged all those baskets of clothes in and back out not to mention all the folding and hanging. The only other downside to add to the price is that is get's really warm in there and it really drains me. I tried for the first time yesterday to do it with the boys with me. I even brought along our school stuff thinking we'd kill two birds with one stone and it really backfired on me. All we got done was our math flashcards because my oldest didn't want to do math so he fought me on it the whole time and both of my oldest two were being unkind to each other and nothing drains me more than their constance squabbling over everything, especially when my oldest is 6 years older than my middle son and I expect him to be more mature which he often isn't. I love them so much it hurts and yet I find myself starting to get almost giddy that this weekend, my Husband and I are going to a the 300th consecutive sellout Husker Homecoming Game just he and I while my parents come and watch the boys. God is good all the time, all the time God is good...I'll expand on this next time....

READ THE DIRECTIONS!!

Ya know that thing your mother always told you about cooking? The part where you're supposed to read all the directions before you start something...yeah well I um, usually forget that part, but don't worry I get my come-uppins every once in a while. I love growing my own produce and even more I love to see colorful jars lining my pantry put up by moi. So when my son brought a big bowl of fresh picked carrots in from the garden, I busily set to work preparing them for the hot water bath. Half way through the processing time I reread the recipe....the part where it says to use a Pressure canner leaped off the page at me this time....So here I am with 5 pint jars of carrots that I have to put in my fridge! On the positive side, at least I'm learning AND I'm absolutely loving the idea of pickling some of this stuff with vinegar and yummy herbs, in small batches as I find the time and have the fresh produce from the garden. I made two very small batches of pickles and I'm eagerly looking forward to blackberry syrup and homemade salsa and spaghetti sauce, at least those I KNOW how to make, well tata and happy canning!